Game Date: Mar 13th, 2038

Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts

Team: Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts Trailblazers [ID #826]

Location: North Adams, MA (New England)

Conference: V.12 [Division 2]

President: sparky
          [since March 25th 2021 | last seen April 25th 2024]

Coach: Larry Parrish

Arena: Amsler Campus Center

Rating: 141.11 - Overall Position: #209

Fan Mood: 111.65

Alumni Mood: 87.40

Prestige: 102

Team Notes:

• Mar 04 2038: 3-star prospect Dewayne Furman committed.
• Jan 28 2038: 3-star prospect Lanny Solberg committed.
• Dec 03 2037: 4-star prospect Jeff Hodges committed.
• Sep 03 2037: Demoted to conference V.12.
• Feb 07 2037: 2-star prospect Irvin Rogers committed.
• Jan 15 2037: 3-star prospect Jason Moyer committed.
• Dec 06 2036: 3-star prospect Brendan Bittner committed.
• Nov 22 2036: 3-star prospect Ben Cairns committed.
• Jan 03 2036: 3-star prospect Joseph Mull committed.
• Dec 27 2035: 2-star prospect Chase Thomas committed.

Record:

Wins: 31 Losses: 12 Pct: .721     Conf Wins: 21 Conf Losses: 9 Conf Pct: .700 Conf Rank: 3     Last10: 7-3 Streak: L1

Pts Ave: 85.5 - 75.9     Pts Diff: +9.7     Team Power Index: 142.6

Press Releases:

Dec 10 2037: On the verge of CATASTROPHE - by sparky on March 29th, 2024

Having witnessed their team erase a 12 point deficit with under four minutes to play, the Amsler Center faithful resembled a pack of frothing wild dogs who'd escaped from a rogue scientist's laboratory where he'd been genetically engineering the perfect evil fighting dogs to take over the United States, but unfortunately for the scientist, who we'll call Dr. Nero, these supremely cunning and fiendish beasts betrayed him, ate him up, and were now out of the lab, and ready to pounce and rip apart anything that came across their path like a stuffed bunny. Just as the scene was reaching a horrifying climax, a ref called a two-shot foul on MCLA, and everyone went even more berzerk with rage, if such a thing is possible. Some guy named Cowen stepped to the line and missed both foul shots, which meant that all ticket holders were entitled to free Jalepeno Poppers at Guidry's Grill in downtown North Adams. Crisis averted.


Oct 21 2037: Note to Whitman - by sparky on March 14th, 2024

In front of a shocked and horrified press corps, MCLA head coach Larry Parrish took a mallet and viciously whacked star C Terek Melvin's knee. While the screaming Melvin rolled around on the floor in a state of extreme agony, Parrish explained that MCLA was sooooo much better than lowly pathetic Whitman that they could even beat them without their best player.* The dramatic display of confidence only serves to reaffirm Coach Parrish is not a full of hot-air braggart, but someone who means what he says. Five star recruits, please take notice! Such steely determination will stop at nothing to achieve greatness, real greatness, not some cheap-o grade greatness, but the type sung about by Fall Out Boy in that Centuries song. That's what we're looking at over here in North Adams.

*According to everybody except Ted Moore's mom.


Feb 28 2036: Referee Killed by Laser Beam Intended for MCLA Coaching Staff - by sparky on December 31st, 2023

Midway through the second half of last night's thrilling MCLA v Amherst game, one of Conference IV.6's robot referees stunned the basketball world when two lasers came shooting out of his evil robot eyeballs towards the completely innocent MCLA coaching staff. In an act of supreme courage, not to mention a keen sense of foresight, assistant coach Clint Cherry lept in front of his colleagues and deflected the laser with a mirrored undershirt. The laser beam thereby bounced back and mortally wounded the robot ref. As players and technicians attended to the dying automaton, it used its last few painful sputtering breaths to reveal the diabolical plans of Byront Humbledink to fix the entire season in order to insure MCLA's demotion. In light of this news, it is clear that MCLA's subpar season is not in fact Terek Melvin's fault as had been previously assumed.


Feb 16 2036: International Brotherhood of Basketball Referees to Picket Tomorrow's Conference IV.6 Games - by sparky on December 29th, 2023

An unexpected decision on the part of Commissioner Byront Humbledink to replace referees with automatons has members of the IBBR threatening to disrupt tomorrow's slate of games. Despite this, Humbledink is refusing to stand down, noting that, unlike human referees, the automatons are equipped with an impregnable ethics engine, which is 98.5% guaranteed not to harbor grudges against aggressive coaches and fanbases. Nevertheless, the possibility of having to cross a picket line of brick-wielding, polyester pants-wearing thugs will have many fans deciding to watch on TV.

Humbledink's maverick ruling style has set IV.6 apart as something of a renegade conference. Some Hardwood experts have expressed concerns about this Dracula-type guy ultimately hijacking the game from our beloved admin Steve, which could (GOD FORBID) usher in something like a transfer portal.


Jan 31 2036: overheard at the hair salon - by sparky on December 24th, 2023

Allendra Humbledink, the supremely evil Conference IV.6 Commissioner Byront Humbledink's wife, was at the salon getting her hair done and telling her stylist all about her husband's recent dive off the deep end. "Oh it's awful hearing him rave on like that, and it's his own damn fault for not paying his assistant well. So the kid found a better job and left, big deal. You don't rant and rave and make up a cockamamie story about his being murdered by a hot air balloon pilot who has been intent to destroy Hardwood College whatever it's called for years. I just said, darling, I am sorry but I don't have time for crazy talk, and then he's whining about 'not feeling heard' or me 'being distant.' I can't take it anymore, just hire another euncuh, how hard can it be."

After Allendra left the salon, the stylist, who once scored 40 points in a D3 championship game, decided it might be time to give his old pal D'Angelo Cherry a call.



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